Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Wasted Time

I spent 20 years of my life denying that I had epilepsy. I would convince myself I had anything but THAT disease. The more I denied it, the more it chased me. The more it chased me, the more I realized if I just embrace it I CAN make this illness better. I can defeat it or at least manage it...and I love to manage, control, boss around-- whatever you want to call it. I join in every walk I can for epilepsy and read all day about new strides within the research community, knowledge is power. I embrace this challenge God has given me and look forward to doing whatever I can to help those in the same predicament. He makes no mistakes, I guess He knew I would be a strong helper. I cannot think about the wasted time I have to plan my perfect God given future.

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Family Tree

As long as I live I will never forget that tree. The tree of strength and hope that sat in front of Papa's yard. We all stayed outside and climbed the tree morning day and night. We all had our designated spots. Ricky and Ryan would go all the way to the top where the branches could barely hold them. Thank goodness together they might have weighed sixty pounds. My sister would bring her book in and relax on the branches like a lazy-boy recliner. Candice and I would stay toward the shallow end of the tree, talking and reminiscing about the first six years of our lives. Rachel always seemed to be caught in the middle. She wanted to be with the boys because they were her age and she also wanted to be with all the girls.
In that tree we had no worries, no fears and most important no adults to boss us around.
That magnolia tree was the string that brought us all together and kept us close. We laughed, joked, and played together in that tree.
Years later after papa and grandma sold the house and moved to Florida ( because isn't that what all old people do) I went back to visit that house and much to my surprise the tree was gone. The new owners cut it down. They never knew about it's comfort and joy. They put a new coat of paint on the house and fixed up the barn but you can never replace that tree.

Too Much Information

There is a such thing as too much information, nobody needs to know you that well. Nobody needs an inside peek at every nook and cranny of your life, your failures and tragedies, goals attained and successes. People have a bad habit at loosing interest and let's be honest, respect for you. As much as we try to be nonjudgmental and open to new things, we are not built that way. Yes, at first we can be somewhat intrigued by your life experiences, but soon you have lost us. People love mystery, we enjoy the wonder of where you have been and what you have done. As you remain mysterious, we remain intrigued.
Think for a moment about romantic relationships, if sex happens on the first night, the relationship is liable to go to the dust. The partner has already seen the inside package and has essentially lost interest. Now, what if you hold out, a month, a week, a year, the suspense remains and as does the relationship (if it was ever going to be one).
The same goes with friendships, once you have opened your banana peel all the way, your phone suddenly stops ringing and the relationship is gone. Keep the mystery, keep the admiration for what we think your life was like. The suspense is better than the knowing.

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Wear and Tear

I had a man come over today to clean my couches and he made a statement that got me really thinking, "You know these couches have some wear and tear," I said "yes, they are 6 years old" I would hope they have wear and tear. I hope that when you look at my love seat you see all the cuddling that we have done. I hope you see all the times I have spilt my coffee because I am up all night with babies and exhausted (way to exhausted to hold a cup of coffee). I hope you see guest sleeping on the couch and sick babies on that couch.  My couch shows life, our life, a life I am proud of.
Our couch was the first big purchase my husband and I made as a couple. I look at it with adoring eyes. I remember pregnancy contractions, changing diapers, fighting and making up all on that mustard colored couch.
I think about the words wear and tear, maybe it is those people with the achiest legs and worn out backs that I should look at with admiration. They have lived and it shows. I want to live. If you look at me in 20 years I want you to see, LIFE. My life, love and hate, fear, sadness and most of all joy. Look at my broken body with admiration not pity, know that I spent every second living.